14 weeks later, on 9 Feb 2014 we were visiting friends for the afternoon. During the afternoon I saw I was having some light spotting and also had some mild cramps. We got home around 8pm, and I saw more blood. I told JP this was not good but I'm sure it will be better in the morning. I went to bed around 10pm. From around 1am the next morning I woke up from very painful cramps. I rolled up into a ball shut my eyes as tight as possible and kept on saying its fine, maybe I'm dreaming. I did not acknowledge the pain cause that would mean I know what was about to happen. And I will NOT have a miscarriage. The pain got so intense I couldn't lie still thru the contraction being so painful but I still thought it was a nightmare and I must just NOT open my eye or get up cause that would mean I give in to what was happening. I was so scared. At around 2:30am I got up to go drink 2 Panados and drink water. I could barely stand thru each contraction, so I rushed back to my dark bed and tried to sleep so the morning could come and with light all would be ok. I was laying there thinking everything will be ok and then my water broke ... so did my heart into a million pieces ... I jumped up and ran to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet and felt my tiny tiny baby being born. I took him with my one hand. I looked at the baby in my hand, and sobbed. This was not happening. This is not right. Not me. Other people have miscarriages ... not me. The only thing that consoled me was that it was the most beautiful little wonder I've ever seen. Under 3 months old, I haven't even started showing yet, but still this perfectly formed little human was hidden deep inside of me. So small yet so perfect. Little ears, fingers and a penis. That gave me a shock. Why does Emma have a penis ...
I called JP and he walked into the toilet seeing our precious son in my hand. His eyes was so sad, it made my stomach turn. He just said "I'm so sorry my love." I got my camera and took photos of my beautiful baby.
Even though we barely made a sound all three the girls woke up. They felt something happened. I put my baby boy down and made the girls each a bottle of tea, and we layed down with them till they settled. I felt the placenta coming and went back to the toilet. Some blood and placenta did come out. I took a quick bath. JP and I went to sit on the couch and had a cup of tea and talked a bit. JP had to go to work as they had a mayor shipment to go out that day and there was just no other way. He woke Justin to come and sit by me, and left for work. I went back to the toiled and a gush of blood and placenta came out, and I bled so much I was so frightened beyond words. I started getting very dizzy, sweating profusely, my whole body tingling. I could barely breath, and felt I was loosing consciousness. I had no strength to talk or move. Just at that moment a fresh cool breeze came thru the toilet window and I soaked it up. I came to. It took all my strength to get up and go to lounge. Justin met me half way and helped me to the couch. I was grey in color and so weak. He open all the window and the fresh air was my saving grace.
We talked a bit and Justin was frantically searching on the ipad what to do after such great blood loss. But slowly I felt better after he made me a smoothy.
Thank goodness the girls slept a till 7:30. By then I was ok. To weak to get up, but ok. Justin and Annah gave them breakfast and they sat by me, not knowing what happened. I had no strength and was just so weak. I was still bleeding but stable. Took me forever going to the bathroom and back, could barely walk so weak.
Later that morning I told the girls what happened and showed them their brother. They were in love at first sight. They were also amazed at the wonder of such a perfect little human.
They each got a turn to hold him and kiss him good buy. His little body was starting to deteriorate by the hour and I wanted to put him to rest.
In Lily's hand
In Lexi's hand
They just didn't want to let go. They were so overwhelmed by his beauty. This experience have build there faith and they are in awe of how amazing God is to make a little human this perfect.
For the rest of the day I sat on the couch and was just served by friends and Justin. We cried and talked and watched DVD's and just chilled. I had a few times where I was about to faint again, but by the end of the day I was strong enough to walk outside.
JP managed to get away from work around 3pm and he bought a beautiful pot and a Olive tree on his way home. Lily made Levi a little bed on purple velvet in the bottom of the pot. We wrapped him in blue tissue paper. We planted our Olive tree with Levi.
Our Olive tree is right outside my kitchen door. We say hallo to Levi every time we walk by. The kids put toys, flowers, feathers, stuffed animals and anything special to them in and around the pot.
Based on his measurements at birth it is estimated that Levi's heart stopped at around 12/13 weeks. Babies stop growing the moment their hearts stop. Just before his conception I felt God say I should NOT go for a sonar during this pregnancy. God knew if I would go for a 12 week sonar I would be told that he is no longer alive and that it would be torment waiting for nature to take it's course. I would not have done a D&C as I would want my baby to be born into my hands and be with us. I would want him to be born in dignity and surrounded by love. I was very ill the last 2/3 weeks before his birth, possibly because he was no longer alive and my body was under stress preparing his birth. It was a difficult pregnancy with loads of nausea. I experienced it as a full term pregnancy. I really struggled to get to 14 weeks.
14 weeks might seem like a short time. But Levi lived a full life. His life was nothing less than a old man dying at 80 who had a full and rich life with love and purpose. And this might sound strange, but I believe for the purpose God created this little boy, his life was the perfect time. He needed to live 14 weeks to fulfill his created purpose. And then he was done and moved on as a happy, content person, just the same as the old man of 80.
2 days after his birth his purpose has already started with a ripple effect. Most amazing thing happened. I sent my friend who does 4D sonars, the above photos. One of her patients were a mom who wanted to have an abortion, being accompanied by her mother, who hoped the sonar would convince her to not do the abortion. A sonar doesn't really show the detail of her 12 week old baby, and didn't change her opinion. My friend then showed her the email and the photos, and she decided she couldn't go thru with an abortion. If Levi lived longer he would not have had much impact cause most abortions are done before 12 weeks and he shows the miracle of life at that age. The clinic nurse where my friend worked was so touched by the photos she wants to print them and show it to woman who come in planning abortions and hopefully convince them otherwise. At the age of 12 weeks he has already saved one life, and hopefully many more. He is not with us anymore but the ripple effect of his life is savings lives.
During my pregnancy I thought if this was a boy I would call him Levi, never really thinking about it, cause it wouldn't be a boy. I've been reading up on the meaning of the name that mysteriously dropped into my heart. In the old testament you will find the tribe of Levi. One of the 12 tribes. The Levites served at the
Tabernacle. They were not counted for
military service in the armies of Israel, but were set apart for
service to God. God was the unique inheritance to the Levites. He was the
focus of their service, the source of their sustenance, and the significance of
their calling. Their inheritance included cities, daily food, and a constant
vocation, but it did not include the same type of land inheritance given to the
other tribes of Israel.
I now realize my little Levi was truly set apart for service to God.
I also believe Levi took the place of his sister Emma still to come. None of us experienced loss during this. Because we didn't loose Emma. Her name is still on her wall and we still talk of her as if she's coming. This little baby who was born at 14 weeks was not our Emma. But God sent Levi because He knew my pregnancy would only last 14 weeks. Levi was created to live 14 weeks, and have a legacy saving other lives. He saved Emma's life with his.
I have fallen in love with this little boy instantly and morn for him, but I am so proud of my boy. He has tough me so much overnight. There are times I miss him so much I cant breath. I cant wait to get to heaven and pick him up in my arm and just hold him, telling him how awesome he is !
Levi stands in full time ministry, and may his life be a blessing to this world. Feel free to share his story.
