An owl brought a message ...

Almost a week after I lost our second baby. Physically I'm doing real good. But as expected I am filled with uncertainty. So many things I just dont understand and wish I had answers for. But I dont, and probably wont till the day I am in the loving arms of God. I know all will make sense then. Till then I'm just staying safe in His love.

Four wonderful things happened today in which I feel God really spoke to me and gave me peace.

JP and I was chatting this morning and he just said that in God there is Grace for us. Even if I did something wrong God will not hold it against me but through Grace we will conceive again sometime. That made me change Emma second name to Grace ... Emma Grace ... She will be our baby out of grace.

Then a friend sent me this beautiful scripture John 16.33 "...in Me you may have perfect peace and confidence. In the world u have tribulation and trail and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer (take courage, be confident) for I have overcome the world (I have deprived it of power to harm you and I have conquered for you)." I just know God is still in control and all is still good. Thanks H xxx

Another extraordinary (very unusual and/or remarkable) friend phone just to check how I was doing. Not of the same faith as I (not that I care), but confirmed to me that God is light, God is pure and God is love. I am just so convinced that God is talking to me and loving me through those next to my side. Thanks C xxx

Then just to show off, as God often spoils me with His surprises and love ... a owl came to sit on my neighbors roof hooting and talking to me where I was in bed. I got up to see this majestic awesome creature outside my window ... OMW I was so overwhelmed. This is the second time it's happened. The previous time was in the month I conceived last. Emma's theme have been owls since I conceived the first time. Her room was painted and decorated with owls. We have been buying and collecting owls stuff since we planned her. So a owl is of significant meaning in regard to our Emma. Seeing this owl was like I messenger sent by Emma saying "Hallo mamma, how you doing ? I'm ok, just relax. I am safe"

I went out side to take a picture

Rest in peace Baby Olive

On the 3rd of September we lost our little baby. I decided to call him/her Baby Olive cause he/she was the size of an olive the time of  passing.
It was a relative easy miscarriage at home with no complications. I will bury Baby Olive's remains with Levi in our beautiful Olive (coincidence ? ) tree pot.
At this stage I'm doing fine. Still processing it. So surprised that it happened. So confused about the future.
I trust God for wisdom, and wait patiently while hiding under His wing, where I'm safe.

Rest in peace our precious Baby Olive

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say.
"A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true
"But God can you be a Mother,
When your baby's not with you?"

"Yes, you can," He replied
With confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay."

"I just don't understand this God
I want my baby here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.

"I wish that I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile,
With all the other children and say...

'We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quick,
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.'

"So you see my dear sweet ones,
Your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson's through.
And on the day that you come home
They'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.

Though some on earth may not realize,
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
And know that you're the best mom!"

9 weeks

Monday was Spring day. We met some special friends at Spur and had a lovely visit. Still a bit nippy but I was brave and wore my gorgeous new yellow top from Elmarie. My first new maternity blouse. So super comfy. I'm a bit low on maternity clothes as I didn't keep any after Ruby. We didn't think we were gonna have more babies back then. But I do have some over size clothes that will work for a while. Just so nice getting something brand new, you know ...

It's been a lovely week so far. Still no nausea. I know I'm going on and on about it. But for my last 5 pregnancies I was super sick till at lest 12 weeks. So this is just such a relief. I'm so chuffed to have found a "cure" for the horrible morning sickness that caused me soooooooo much discomfort before.

 Something I've been CRAVING is long hot baths. It is just so relaxing and soothing. Girls most of the time hop in and join me, not quit as relaxing then, but still nice. I add a cup of Epson salt to my water for added Magnesium and it soothes muscles. I also add 3g vit C to neutralize chlorine in water and 5ml Bentonite clay that attach to heavy metals in water and stay away from my skin. Just so awesome. 

How many weeks pregnant ? 9
Date ? 1 September
How many day till due date ? 217 days
How big is baby ? a green olive
Showing yet ? Nope
Milestones baby reached during this week ? Fingers are not webbed any more and baby's little heart fully developed by now 
Pregnancy sighs ? only tiredness at times and a new one ... constipation ! Ugh, not pleasant :( Been eating flax seeds and chia seeds for breakfast and lots more water, seems to help
Any cravings ? Milk
Any aversions ? Sugary things
Best moment this week ? Wearing my gorgeous new yellow top on spring day, fist maternity piece
Emotions this week ? Very moody ... sorry people :(
Clothes ? same, size 14
Baby movements ? no
What do I weigh ? 79 kg
Things I would love to buy for baby ?
Kids this week ? Good week, but Ruby still a terrible little 2 year old, being soooooo difficult
Boy name ? Remembered a name I loved when I was younger ... Elliot. I really like this one
Girl name ? Emma Rose
Sleep ? Struggle to fall a sleep, but once in dream land it's a smooth trip to morning. So awesome that all my girls sleep thru, didn't think that was ever gonna happen.
Dreams ? Dreamt I woke up 9 weeks pregnant but had a beautiful huge 30 weeks tummy. I loved it
How I'm feeling in general ? Really good. Not feeling pregnant yet
Special foods and supplements ? Magnesium oil, Nerobion Vit B's, Sportron multi vits, Stinning nettle tea. Convinced the Mag oil combined with B vits are keeping nausea away. OMW so awesome to not feel sick all the time. Never experienced that during this stage of pregnancy, as I was always super nauseous at this stage.